Online Grief Counseling

A Better Way: The Book

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Eleanor Brown Counseling

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A Better Way: The Podcast

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A Better Way: The Book / Eleanor Brown Counseling / A Better Way: The Podcast /

Have you lost a loved one, lost your job, been through a divorce? Has your health deteriorated and you just can seem to get over it? Are you angry with a loved one that you lost? Does your sense of sadness overwhelm you at times? Chances are you are suffering grief which is a natural reaction to loss any type of loss.

You can grieve many things such as the loss of a significant relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of your health, or the death of a loved one (referred to as bereavement). Loss is often unexpected and sudden and can be challenging to cope with. It may stir up a myriad of complex emotions, such as sadness, guilt, anger, or regret, leaving you to wonder how to navigate your life.

There is no recipe that prepares you to grieve and there is no “one” way to grieve. As time passes, you may come to terms with your loss and learn to cope in your own way. However, when you struggle with grief for prolonged periods of time without improvement, it can interfere with your daily life and may even develop into a persistent form of grief known as “complicated grief”.

Experiencing these symptoms may leave you with feelings of incompetence, worthlessness, or shame. These feelings may be accompanied by an inner critic who is extremely busy telling you all the things you could have done better or different. Many times you are left feeling hopeless, alone, and isolated feeling like things could never get any better. When you are feeling high levels of anxiety, it often becomes like a negative feedback loop, the more you try to stop having those feelings, the more you berate yourself for having them, which increases your level of anxiety!

Living with Grief

How deeply you grieve will be dependent on the circumstances of your loss. The loss of a loved one due to old age, for instance, may likely provoke a different reaction than the premature loss of a child. The loss of a job may elicit a different reaction dependent on the stability of your finances. No one can predict what loss will be more potent than another loss. When you are grieving, that grief may manifest in a variety of ways. You may prefer to mourn alone or you may prefer to be with others and share your feelings. You may focus on solving problems for other people to distract yourself from your feelings or you may choose to communicate and share your feelings.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the 5 stages of dealing with grief that Swiss-American Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed in her book, On Death and Dying.

  • The first stage, denial, is where you usually struggle to admit your loss.

  • The second stage, anger, comes when you start to realize the scope of your loss.

  • It is followed by bargaining, the third stage, where you may try to plead with whoever, or whatever, you can to restore your loss.

  • The fourth stage, depression, is where you tend to start feeling your loss as you pull inward and allow yourself to feel sad.

  • The fifth and final stage, acceptance, typically completes the process of grieving; this is where you begin to come to terms with your loss.

  • Feelings of emptiness and hopelessness

  • Yearning to be reunited with your lost loved one

  • Preoccupation with your lost loved one or with the circumstances of his/her death

  • Difficulty engaging in happy memories of your lost loved one

  • Avoidance of reminders of your lost loved one

  • A reduced sense of your identity

  • Detachment and isolation from your surviving friends and family

  • Lack of desire to pursue your personal interests or plans

You could be experiencing grief if you:

Grief Therapy Can Help

Dealing with grief is a complex process and everyone experiences it differently. It’s important to know that the stages of grief don’t always occur in a specific order, and some stages may be skipped altogether. You might find yourself experiencing anger or bargaining before you feel sadness or depression, and that’s okay. Your grief is unique to you and there is no right or wrong way to feel.

The duration of grief can also vary widely. While some people may begin to see some improvement in their symptoms after six months, others may take several years to fully work through the grieving process. Remember, there is no set timeline for grief and it’s important to be patient with yourself.

If you are finding that your grief symptoms are becoming more intense or are not improving, it may be time to seek help. Sometimes, normal thoughts and behaviors associated with grief can become overwhelming and turn into more serious conditions like anxiety, depression, or self-destructive behaviors. This is known as “complicated grief.”

If you’re concerned about your grief and think you may need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist. Talking to someone can help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. If you're interested in scheduling a free consultation with me to see if we are a good fit, please contact me today.

  • “Grief is not a problem. It doesn't need solutions. Seeing grief as an experience that needs support, rather than solutions, changes everything.”

    ― Megan Devine