A Better Way to Create New Holiday Traditions
Breaking Free from Dysfunctional Family Patterns
As the holidays approach, many of us feel both excitement and dread. Family gatherings, while often full of warmth and tradition, can sometimes bring up old wounds, force us into uncomfortable interactions, or make us question whether we’re honoring our own needs. In this episode of A Better Way: The Podcast, hosts Eleanor “Elly” L. Brown and Isamary “Isa” Nieves Banks discuss practical ways to build meaningful holiday traditions, especially for those who might be navigating complex family dynamics or difficult personal circumstances.
Setting Boundaries Early
One of the most empowering steps we can take before holiday gatherings is to set clear boundaries. Elly and Isa dive deep into what it means to establish boundaries, not just with physical presence but with topics of conversation and interactions that protect emotional well-being. Whether it’s about choosing not to spend time with certain people or deciding that certain conversations are off-limits, setting boundaries is about protecting your peace.
Elly explains: “Boundaries are honestly anything that affects you emotionally in a setting and that you decide, ‘This is an off-topic situation.’” Isa further adds that while boundaries are essential, we can’t control how others respond to them – we can only control our own actions, which is the real strength in boundary-setting.
Focusing on What You Can Control
In family gatherings, it’s easy to get swept up in trying to fix or manage the behaviors of others. However, as Isa wisely points out, true peace comes from focusing on what you can control: your actions, your emotions, and the traditions you create. Elly often reminds her clients of this principle, encouraging them to keep their focus inward rather than expending energy on changing those around them.
Practicing Gratitude
Even in challenging situations, gratitude can help shift perspective. Studies have shown that gratitude practices, like daily journaling or morning reflections, can significantly lift our mood and provide a foundation of joy during tough times. Isa shares that practicing gratitude with grace can make family gatherings more bearable, helping to shift focus from what’s lacking to what we truly appreciate.
Engaging in Self-Reflection
Self-reflection is key, especially during the emotionally charged holiday season. Whether it’s journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few moments to check in with your own feelings, reflection helps us understand and address our triggers. As Isa mentions, sometimes our irritations aren’t solely caused by others; they might stem from unmet personal needs, stress, or even fatigue.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Self-care is non-negotiable during the holidays. Elly and Isa emphasize making self-care a foundational practice, especially as we approach gatherings that might bring up painful memories. By keeping self-care at the forefront, we’re able to show up for others – and ourselves – in a healthier way.
Creating New Traditions After Loss
When facing the holiday season after a significant loss, it’s normal to feel both grief and pressure. Instead of forcing yourself to carry on as usual, Elly suggests finding ways to honor loved ones through small, meaningful gestures. Whether it’s lighting a candle, sharing a story, or preparing a favorite dish, these acts can offer solace and connection.
Isa adds that it’s important to remain flexible. “Grief changes from year to year,” she explains, “and so can your holiday routines.” Creating a new tradition that feels right for you can be a powerful way to turn grief into a positive impact.
The Shame Quiz
Uncover the profound effects of shame on your well-being and take the first steps towards embarking on a path of healing and self-discovery.
New Beginnings After Leaving a Dysfunctional Home
For those who have left a challenging home environment, the holidays can be especially tough. Elly and Isa discuss the freedom of defining your own values and creating traditions around what’s meaningful to you. Elly emphasizes that holiday celebrations should align with your sense of peace, joy, and simplicity, rather than past expectations.
Blending Traditions After Marriage
Combining families can create a beautiful mix of traditions, but it also requires intention and flexibility. Elly shares her personal experience with her blended family, where she and her husband established traditions that honored each of their children and celebrated their unique cultures. She suggests couples start new traditions unique to them, bringing together the best of each family’s history.
Communication and Compassion
Throughout the episode, Elly and Isa emphasize the importance of communication. Whether it’s setting boundaries, discussing grief, or blending new traditions, being open and honest with loved ones can prevent misunderstandings and bring everyone closer.
Ultimately, the holidays are about love, connection, and reflection. By focusing on what truly matters to you, you can create traditions that honor both your past and your future. In the spirit of the season, Elly and Isa remind listeners to approach these conversations with grace, compassion, and an open heart.
